Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have grass duct taped all over my body
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
