bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
