we have pet lesbian snakes
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
