You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
