I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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