goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize