I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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