the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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