He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
