Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
