This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
