She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
