hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
