dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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