so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
