OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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