She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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