Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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