hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize