i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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