Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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