you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
