I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
