Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
