When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize