that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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