I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
