I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
