you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
