Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
