then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
