that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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