i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize