I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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