I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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