Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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