there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
