the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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