Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize