I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
