We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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