What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
