I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she smelled like a LAN party
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
