I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We just shotgunned beers for America
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
