i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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