I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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