hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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