On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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