Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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