i used baking grease as lip gloss
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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