Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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