you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
