Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
