So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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