Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
