I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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