i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
