Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You made out with two different species that night
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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