I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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