just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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