In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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