Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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