he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i think i have herpe
just one?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Randomize
