dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
