i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
