So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
