Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Randomize
