Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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