mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
