i barfeds in our rink
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
