I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
