If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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