pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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